NLP Rapport Skills

June 15, 2009 By

NLP Success – A little taste of the material from Lesson 2 of the Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Training:

One of the contributions of NLP to the world of communication excellence is the process I call “Magical Rapport”.

You know that feeling you get when you “click” with another person or you just met them but you feel like you’ve known them forever? That’s rapport. We all do it all the time unconsciously when we are connecting with another person. The most typical way we approach it is to talk and find things in common. “so, where are you from?” “How many children do you have” etc.  But the founders of NLP discovered that we do tons of other things that we don’t have the foggiest notion we’re doing, like matching and mirroring physiology and tonality (among other secret stuff)…

So NLP didn’t invent rapport, it just brought the unconscious process up into conscious awareness so that we could do it more often and with greater effectiveness.  It would take me hours to share all the stories of how I’ve been able to build deep and lasting business and personal friendships rapidly. Suffice it to say that people like to do business with people they like.

We cover rapid rapport building  fully in the Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Training. If you’re business or relationships could use a boost you might want to join us (there’s still time)

One of my NLP students who is a law enforcement professional asked a really good question and I wanted to answer it here on my blog so that all my students as well as those of you who are passionate about NLP could have a chance to hear my answer as well as to make a comment or share an experience you might have had with Rapport building.

Question:

I had a question regarding rapport.  When someone is displaying negative emotions such as defensive, angry or some other type of negative behavior, would mirroring or matching be counterproductive because of how the other person may interpret their behavior being matched or mirrored?

My concern was that because so much of communication is non-verbal this may only inflame an already negative situation. Or would mirroring and matching help to “sync” in with that person and once rapport is established you are now able to more effectively move the person away from those negative behaviors.  I could see both being applicable but on a case by case situation.  I would like to get your take on this as well as if it is a case by case situation what would be examples of when each would be appropriate.

Also are there more subtle rapport techniques within mirroring/matching that could be used such as only eye blinks or other less noticeable techniques like cross matching, etc…
- Mike L.

Answer:

When someone is angry or depressed we want to connect with them in a way that will enable them to feel heard and understood without getting pulled into their state. If you use the typical rapport skills of matching and mirroring words, tonality, and physiology with an angry person you will almost be guaranteed to get angry.
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However there is nothing more infuriating to an angry person than dealing with someone who remains totally calm in the face of his/her anger. What we found in NLP was that if you mirror back the angry person’s tonality but say concilatory words, you will be able to connect enough so that the person can begin to hear you. Then once you’ve estabilished rapport, you can begin to gradually change your tonality and lead them into a calmer state.
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With someone who is depressed you could also match their typically softer quieter tonality while beginning to use words of more positive and hopeful outlook.
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Once we establish rapport we can test it to make sure we maintain it. Whenever we encounter resistance we need to go back and develop more rapport.
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We can also use a technique called Crossover matching and mirroring, using one body part like a finger, to match the upset person’s eye blinks or foot tapping.
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So I hope that answered the question, for those of you out there wondering how NLP can help you to defeat the dark side in your professional and personal life and master your mind for a change, just consider what it might be like to have a set of skills you could use to connect with people in any state and be able to communicate in a way that would enable them to truly hear what you have to say.
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Or maybe you’re like me and never felt like you were one of the “in” crowd in High School. I was at a gathering recently of a bunch of folks I knew in High School. For a moment I felt that old lonely “outsider” feeling. Then I remembered my Rapport Skills and ended up having a wonderful time. I came away from that experience feeling a wonderful warm connection with these wonderful friends. I just wish I’d learned this stuff sooner!
Please leave your comments and questions below!

- Mark Shepard, Modern Jedi NLP Trainer

p.s. Why does it work out better than you can possibly imagine? (I explain why this phrase is so powerful in Lesson 4 of the Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Training
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Modern Jedi NLP Course – Week 1 (Audio Sample)

May 11, 2009 By

For a little taste of the training play the audio mp3 below from the Modern Jedi NLP Certification Live Training audios.

I start the NLP Training program off with a number of nested story loops inspired by the teaching tales of Milton Erickson …enjoy!

Want to learn more? Since the new On-Line/Hands-On NLP course is designed for you to go at your own pace you can still join our current class! Defeat the Dark Side in Your Personal or Professional Life. Master Your Mind For A Change with NLP (For less than a latte)

Click here to discover: Modern Jedi NLP Trainings

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How I Stopped Being Shy With NLP

May 3, 2009 By

How I used NLP to Stop Being Shy in about 10 minutes:

Learn More About Mark Shepard’s Modern Jedi On-line/Hands-on NLP Training

“Defeat the Dark Side in your personal and professional Life. Master Your Mind For A Change in 17 minutes a day for less than a Latte.”

Filed Under: Modern Jedi Launch, nlp, NLP submodalities Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

NLP Q & A Call Part 1

April 30, 2009 By

This is Part 1 of a Question and Answer call about Mark Shepard’s Modern Jedi NLP Online Course (recorded 4/29/2009)

Introduction to the Modern Jedi NLP Online Course

  • Convenient
  • Affordable
  • Multi-media
  • NLP Community Master-Mind
  • A few examples of Real People Using NLP Michael Guerin and Rob Bronson
  • Graduates of this course will be able to be certified NLP Practitioners or they can just use the tools and techniques to improve their lives.

Q: What is NLP?

A: Neuro Linguistic Programming is all about how you run your mind. How you interpret the external world and make sense of it internally. It’s also the study of excellence. It’s also all about how you communicate with other people.

NLP is partly modeled on the work of Dr. Milton Erickson, MD “the father of Modern Hypnosis” as well as some of best Therapists, athletes, business people, etc.

Your behavior, thoughts, reactions, interpretations of the world, etc are under our control…if we knew how to access the “programs”. People can make incredible improvements in their lives, relationships and work rapidly.

Q: Can NLP help with changes where a person knows they should eat more vegetables but just never does?

A: Yes. I give a short introduction to NLP submodalities on the recording.

Q: A question about Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic channels of communication.

A: I give an example of making a quick change with a client using kinesthetic submodalities (over the phone while in the grocery store)

Q: How young can a client be and what intelligence level is needed for success with NLP?

A: Works great with kids. Works with all intelligence levels as long as a client can access their imagination.

Q: Can you explain about how your unconscious mind doesn’t recognize the difference between what is real and what is a memory or an imagined event?

A: Explained with example

Register for the Modern Jedi NLP Online Mind Mastery Course

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: A Case Study Part 2

April 24, 2009 By

This is Emily Bernard’s second post about the NLP personal breakthrough session we did to address the PTSD she was experiencing after having been stabbed 14 years ago. If you’re just joining the story you can get the Introduction and Part 1 here:

Emily Bernard writes:

“Mark and I began our first session with an interview. He asked me a series of questions about the problems—anxiety, fear, dread—I have experienced since I was stabbed in 1994.

His questions made me think.

They weren’t the usual “What happened? And then what happened?” kinds of queries. Mark’s questions put me in the center, if that makes sense.

Immediately, he was guiding me to reframe the event—and the enduring negative feelings created by my memory—so that I could see myself as having a role—not in what happened (the past is the past, of course), but in my subsequent reactions to it.

I once read somewhere that humans use only a small fraction of their enormous brain power throughout their lifetimes. It wasn’t that I felt my brain expanding as Mark and I talked, but his questions led me to a new doorway in my mind. Suddenly, the literature he sent me about the powers of the unconscious mind began to make sense. We have more control over what goes on inside of our heads than we often believe we do.

After more than an hour of this intensive interview, Mark and I broke for lunch. Again, I was impressed by his gentle spirit, his warmth and sparkle. He was as eager to get back to work as I was. So, after this short break, we began again.

The second part of our session involved reconstructing a timeline. Mark guided me back in time as I explored the roots of negative emotions and limiting decisions. We went further back than I was honestly comfortable with—at first. For me, I think the strength of this work is how much it pushed me to do and think things that I wasn’t comfortable with. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, and all those habitual ways of understanding and narrating myself and my relationship to the world.

Mark and I went into the recesses of my memory, and I found myself able to recount experiences that I had thought I had buried. I was able to speak about things that I had talked only to a few other people about.

Mark was not judgmental; his demeanor was calm and relaxed the entire time. Because I felt safe, I went further and further back. And before I knew it, I was ready to be hypnotized.”

- Emily Bernard

In part 3 I’ll share what those questions were that I asked Emily as well as key ways what I do is different from traditional therapy.

In part 4 Emily will share her experience of being hypnotized…

In the meantime if you’d like to:

Defeat the Dark Side and Master Your Mind For A Change.
Discover How You Can Learn NLP in 17 Minutes A Day For Less Than A Latte

Filed Under: agoraphobia, anxiety, clear the fear, hypnosis, nlp, panic attack, trauma Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: NLP Case Study Part 1

April 10, 2009 By

The Following Post is written by Emily Bernard describing her experience working with me in a Personal Breakthrough Session with the intention of clearing her PTSD and anxiety about public places.

Mark Shepard is very tall. His height is the first thing I notice about him when I open the door to let him in. The second thing is his demeanor, which is kind, gentle, and warm. He has a youthful, eager way about him. His smile says, “This is as much of an adventure for me as it is for you.”

When I called Mark, I was ready. I had arrived in New Haven in July 2008 in order to begin a fellowship at Yale. Within four weeks, I was in Yale-New Haven hospital. The doctors determined I had a bowel obstruction–my second in seven years–and scheduled me for surgery. I was lucky–my intestines somehow untangled themselves from the mass of scar tissue inside my abdomen. After a week’s stay, I was allowed to leave.

This was my second visit to Yale-New Haven. Fifteen years ago, I was stabbed in the gut by a stranger in a coffee shop. The perpetrator was sick with mental illness. He was hospitalized; everyone involved survived.

For fifteen years, I have been unable to get past certain fears associated with being in public and interacting with strangers. After one of my doctors informed me that I was just “one of those unfortunates,” people who “over heal,” or make too much scar tissue, I decided to do whatever I could to turn my fears and luck around.

Medical doctors told me there was nothing to be done; psychotherapy didn’t seem to be helping. I decided to look beyond traditional doctor’s offices for solutions.

Enter Mark Shepard.

For our first session, Mark agreed to come to my house. His generosity put me at ease, and made it that much more possible for me to take the leap into the unknown world of hypnosis. At that point, all I knew about hypnosis I had read about in books. Mark was recommended to me by a massage therapist who herself had yet to try hypnosis. “When I’m ready, Mark Shepard is the one I will go to.” That was enough for me.

Mark and I first spoke on the phone. He was friendly, prompt, and direct. I liked him immediately. He sent me some literature to help me get acquainted with hypnosis, the unconscious mind, and his methods. There were questionnaires to fill out, and homework to prepare so that Mark could come to know more intimately the kinds of struggles that had led me to hypnosis in the first place.

I liked the questionnaires and the homework. I see them as the first stage in the process of the work I am doing with Mark. They force you to articulate your problems, fears, and goals. They help you focus, and they all center around the issue of “change.” What Mark does has psychological components, but it is not psychotherapy. He gets you to identify the root of a problem, but also the role you have played in either creating the problem or contributing to its survival. The work is goal-oriented. It takes faith, work, and openness. I believe it is a process–one, for me, that has only begun.

Thanks to Emily’s willingness to share her process, you will be able to get a sense of how I do what I do to help people clear fears, phobias, anxiety, PTSD and other Mind/Body challenges. Look for Part 2 next…

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Victim or Volunteer?

March 16, 2009 By

Are You A Victim or Are You A Volunteer?

This video by Robert Smith does an absolutely fabulous job of explaining how we create our pain and problems as well as how we explain our screwed-up-ness to ourselves and how we maintain it.

Please watch this carefully and take notes. Let me know your thoughts. – Mark

Filed Under: addiction, agoraphobia, anxiety, clear the fear, comfort foods, hypnosis, mass hysteria, nlp, NLP Focus, nlp in business, nlp in drug and alcohol counseling, NLP in grieving, NLP in Life, panic attack, performance anxiety, persuasion, trauma, Uncategorized, Weight Loss Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Failure – The Secret To Success

March 11, 2009 By

This video is just awesome. Let me know what your best failure was in the comments below!

Okay, I’ll go first. My Biggest Failure?

Bought 4 houses for nothing down at the top of the 1980′s real estate bubble. Ended up losing everything. Declared bankruptcy. Got evicted. When all my grand schemes went poof! I ended up doing kids music for local nursery schools for $75 bucks an hour. That led to school performances and adding storytelling…created my DrumSongStory programs…which are keeping me going during this little economic “challenge” we’re having now.

Your turn!

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Panic Attacks

March 9, 2009 By

My Dad forwarded an e-mail to me today with an article from the Health Sciences Institute News letter. It was a story about a panic attack sufferer who got a major amount of relief by taking a supplement called Inositol (a natural substance found in the human body). Interestingly, she also used a specific mind control technique to take command of her thoughts.

“I came to realize the panic attacks were not uncontrollable once I understood how they started and grew. I was basically creating my own panic by bouncing back and forth between past guilts and fears, to future non-existent terrors. Back and forth, again and again.

“Now I anchor myself in the present. I force myself to think about what I’m saying, force myself to stop recalling past ‘nasties’ and force myself to stop imagining them as even nastier future outcomes. I stay right here, right now, in the present. It takes determination and effort, but it works.”

Read the Full Health Sciences Institute News Letter Article

In my experience the more tools you have at your disposal the greater your chances of drug free relief. If a small dose of a supplement can help I’m not against it. I am against the pattern in our culture of treating the symptom but doing nothing for the cause.

The work I do with clients one on one and in my “Crush Anxiety” calls is all about clearing the root cause and having a full arsenal of easy to use tools to master your mind for a change. Using the NLP and Time Line Therapy™ processes I teach as well as Self Hypnosis and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) it is often possible to eliminate phobias, anxiety and panic attacks in a very short period of time. Everything I do is designed to put the client in a place of power where you are in charge of your own mind. Another point I want to make is that by working with your unconscious mind instead of fighting it, you don’t have to necessarily use “force” to control your mind.

A recent example of this is the client I worked with on Friday. Emily had been physically attacked in a public place some 14 years ago and up until Friday, whenever she went anywhere she fully expected to be attacked and hurt. Here’s the voice mail message she left me a day later:

“I feel great! I walked to the bank today and had no feeling of fear about getting shot. And I owe this to you. The old pattern is just a distant memory. I’m feeling really excellent and really happy.”

Notice she did not say, that as she walked to the bank she forced herself to think positive thoughts. The changes we make sometimes require conscious awareness but almost never “force”. The beauty of NLP and hypnosis is that once the changes are made on the unconscious level things just become different.

BTW Emily and I had a great time doing her foundation breakthrough session from 10 am-4 pm. The way i work is relaxed and safe. She has agreed to write about her experiences working with me so watch for a several part article by her in the near future.

If you or someone you know needs help with panic attacks, anxiety, phobias, self sabotage, procrastination, PTSD etc. I can be contacted at: mark[at]markshepard.com or 203-495-8808.

I’m also doing two “Crush Anxiety” teleseminars this week Wednesday at Noon and Thursday Evening at 7:00 pm US Eastern Time

The cost is $97 and comes with my “Crush Anxiety” e-book and audio series. There are also a few scholarships available so please contact me by phone or e-mail if cost is an issue for you.

  • Register for this month’s CRUSH Anxiety Call
    Wednesday, March 11 at Noon Eastern Time

    or

    Thursday Night, March 12 at 7:00 pm Eastern Time

    For a one time fee of only $97 you get to work with me over the phone in a small group as well as get my Crush Anxiety E-book and complete audio set as my gift ($197 value). If you’ve been on one of these calls before you are welcome to come back any time or as many times as you want for free. Lines are limited so register now.

    Courage!

    Mark

    p.s. If you or someone you love is suffering from phobia, anxiety, or panic attacks please stop waiting to contact me. In light of our economic crisis I am willing to consider payment plans, barter or any other creative way to value the help I offer and create a fair exchange that is a win/win for both of us.

    E-mail: mark[at]markshepard.com

    Telephone: 203-495-8808

    • Filed Under: agoraphobia, anxiety, clear the fear, nlp, panic attack, performance anxiety, time line therapy, trauma Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

    Twitter 101

    February 24, 2009 By

    Twitter 101Twitter Tips for the Modern Jedi NLP Mind Master

    I’ve just finally “got” what twitter is all about. And I think it justifies a post so that I can share some of what I’ve learned and some of the resources I’ve discovered which may help you to get right to it. If you are wondering what twitter has to do with NLP or the Way of the Modern Jedi, it’s this: Tiwtter is a powerful tool to build your practice, and to rapidly build a community of people who are interested in what you have to offer. For folks like Noah St. John and Tony Robbins it’s a way to stay in touch with “the faithful” without clogging up their e-mail in-boxes. For me it’s a way I can reach out to people with specific interests in Music or NLP or who may be local. It’s flexible and a lot of fun.

    The other day I saw a short post from some one I’m following on twitter it said: “I just ran with scissors!”

    I wrote back “I just stood on a chair!” It was something that took only a moment and it made me smile. I also recently had lunch with some folks here in New Haven who I met on twitter. You never know till you get into it.

    So here are some basics:

    First things first:

    Go to http://twitter.com and sign up for an account.

    It is best to use your real name if you can get it. (Use upper and lower case so your first and last name stand out.) The new social media is about being real and accessible. If you advertised your practice in a holistic publication like “Natural Awakenings” you wouldn’t use some silly user name would you?

    Make sure you fill out your location and short, one sentence bio. Make sure that you leave the box for “protect my updates” empty. You want to be in the public stream.

    Next. Follow me. You can do that by using the twitter search function or just use this link: http://twitter.com/MarkShepard

    The next thing you need to know about Twitter is that it is considered polite to follow those people who follow you. And unless some one is completely objectionable it’s a good idea. You can tell almost instantly from a persons follow/following ratio whether they “get” twitter or not. If someone’s following about the same number as are following them they are most likely going to follow you back when you follow them.

    There are a couple of programs that can even automatically follow people who follow you and send them a welcoming message. You should get one of those when you follow me. It has a link to my http://MarkShepardSongs.com site where they can get free downloads of my songs.

    I use http://www.SocialToo.com but I like http://www.TweetLater.com also. Check them both out.

    Some people make a business pitch in their auto follow e-mail. This is not about making a sale. It’s about building a community and contributing something to that community. The best one’s offer some kind of legitimate help. Like the guy I followed who in his follow back pointed out I could change my twitter username from markshepard to MarkShepard. Just  a helpful little tip. I appreciated it. Most of what I’m sharing with you here today I learned from short little tweets on twitter.

    And that’s what twitter is all about. It’s people helping other people and making themselves useful.

    It’s not what it first appears to be, which is a platform for the self absorbed to trumpet their every moment of their dull mundane day. It’s about having conversations and making connections that gracefully lead people to what you have to offer.

    Once you have a twitter account and have followed me, click on the link on your twitter home page titled “Everyone”. Just take a few minutes and read through the most recent posts.Any time you see someones user name preceded by an @ symbol you can right click and open their twitter page in a new tab. If they seem interesting to you go ahead and follow them by clicking the “follow” button. You can unfollow them at any time by clicking the same button on their page.

    Please note: if you follow a bunch of people who have fewer than 100 followers and who are following a small number they most likely are newbies and will not have set up the auto follow process. You mostly want to follow people at this point who have a strong likely hood of following you back. One of our goals is to rapidly build social proof as well as a community of people who we can tweet to.

    The best resource I found for getting a massive number of followers in a short time is Scot Mckay’s short video. Scot is also one of my favorite dating and relationship coaches and he is a master of the new Web 2.0 social media world. So if you’re not into dating or healthy relationships just focus on what he has to say about twitter. I have watched him go from 1,000 followers to over 25,000 followers in the last three weeks or so. Following his advice I’ve gone from 100 to well over 1,000 followers in about 2 weeks with very little time or effort spent on it. Plus I’ve connected with some great info about music marketing on the web etc.

    How To Get 1,000 Twitter followers in 12 Days by Scot Mckay

    Also his video “Why Follow Everyone Back On Twitter” is excellent as well.

    Scot McKay also offers a free e-book called “Twiduction” that has a lot more nuts and bolts of how to pimp your twitter profile. You should do that even if you are not trying to attract dates. Just take his “how to” advice and use it in your own context. Everything in it works perfectly well for attracting business clients. After all business networking is a lot like dating…(I know, material for yet another post at another time)

    Any questions? I’d be happy to answer them. Just leave a comment below. I look forward to Tweeting with you soon!

    Mark

    Just so you have them in one place here are some additional twitter resources to check out once you get going.

    http://www.friendorfollow.com this enables you to see at a glance who is not following you back, who you are not following and who are your mutual followers/following folks.

    http://www.twitter.grader.com this enables you to search specifi key words like NLP or localities like New Haven or Connecticut so you can find people who you might want to follow.

    http://www.TweetDeck.com this handy application is actually much easier to use than the regular twitter home page. you can see all your follows tweeting by you in real time. it also does some handy things like automatically shorten any long URL that you might be passing on to your Tweets.

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