Dealing With Dream Thieves

September 8, 2009 By

What to do when the people you care about express their care for you by giving you advice that is clearly a projection of their fears and doubts…

I don’t know if this happens to you at all or if I’m the only one.

I take risks. I believe that in order to truly live my dream I have to put new ideas and tools into action. Sometimes it works out right away. Other times things take a lot longer than it looked like it was going to take. This is NOT failure. It is feedback.

For example: When I finished my NLP trainers training in the Summer of 2003 I thought that I would be teaching my first NLP practitioner course the following month.

It took me something like 5 years to achieve that goal.

Not because I was sitting around watching TV and wasting my time, but because there seemed to be some higher, wiser plan in effect. In order for me to be a congruent trainer, I had to first get some real life experience working with clients of all kinds. Perfect (in retrospect).

But to the people in my life at the time, my lack of earning power IMMEDIATELY after the big training was proof that I was a fool. NLP was supposed to suddenly enable me to start making big bucks right away. And I have seen people’s incomes skyrocket right after an NLP session or a training.

But for me, for my particular life’s purpose of integrating my music and my personal development work, it wasn’t an instant catapault to fame and riches.

Somehow I managed to make it through those first lean months and began to build a practice.

There was so much I didn’t know about marketing, and business. So much I had to learn “on the job”. Because I was so focused on building my practice, I didn’t do as much to get Music/Storytelling gigs that year… so my income actually went down even though I was feeling like I was on track with implementing my goals.

Working towards living my dreams.

Well, as the old saying goes, “Success is Messy”

In the last year or so as I’ve been putting new ways of doing business into practice, getting the word out on the Web. It’s been a huge learning curve, one that has often required 100% of my attention and energy.

If anyone looked in at certain points along this path it might seem to an outside that I was chasing after some “pie in the sky” dream. I am chasing a dream. But it’s not “pie in the sky”.

My dream is to create steady and increasing income from the many areas I’m interested in and passionate about in a way that contributes positively to the lives of others.

NLP, Sales training, storytelling, music, hypnosis, art, personal development, healing, creativity, education, leadership, motivation, Time Line therapy techniques ™ relationships, transformation and on and on. It’s a multi-dimensional approach that sometimes defies “branding”.

I once had a conversation with a business man who had been very successful as a mortgage broker. At some point he had decided to build a company with other mortgage reps working for him. At first, his income went down because he was no longer writing deals. Eventually as he brought more and more mortgage reps on board and he earned a percentage of each rep’s volume, his income soared.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in any endeavor that is true and congruent for you, there will be times when your family members or friends will try to give you advice. Unfortunately their advice will come from their model of the world which may be an old framwork for you that you are letting go of.

You must acknowledge their loving intention and appreciate it. However, you must also ignore their advice and continue to move beyond it. Even if it causes a temporary rift in the relationship.

Dreams are fragile at certain stages of their fulfillment. Stay with it. Keep doing what you know is right and true. Turn down the noise and the distractions around you and burn the boats. There is no returning to the way you used to be. Sometimes it takes longer to get to where you want to be. So what?

Every outcome that does not look like success is an opportunity to put another piece of the puzzle into place. Eventually it will come together.

Am I saying ignore solid, advice from people who truly know what they’re talking about in fields that are similar or related to what you are trying to accomplish? No. Other entrepreneurs or other people in your field who have done what you are attempting to do, have earned the right to give you guidance. I am only talking about people who have been employees all their life giving an entrepreneur advice about how to run his business.

Just like I know very little about ice skating and would never dream to give an ice skater advice about how to do a leap or a spin, people who trade hours for dollars or who are not able to tolerate the uncertainty of being in business (or sales) haven’t earned the right to give advice in this area. Are they bad people. No! Their intention is one of love and care and concern. It can still wreak havoc with your self confidence if you are going through some tough challenges.

What you do freaks them out and scares the hell out of them. That’s why they are chained to a steady paycheck. Sometimes in the entrepreneurial or artistic journey there are times when the cash flow just isn’t there. Those are moments of your greatest opportunity.

Worrying about someone based upon the false belief that imagining the worst and trying to protect your loved ones from their mistakes is the worst kind of projection.

For 40 years I’ve been pursuing a dream of using my music to positively impact the world. That journey has led me in a lot of different directions, first working on my self and my internal blocks and next learning how to reach out to other people in ways that may be non-traditional. The learning curve has been steep and at times breathtakingly difficult. Every step of the way, no matter how challenging, has been perfect and exactly what I was ready to tackle next.

  • The songs I wrote for Letters To Daddy have been enjoyed by several hundred audience members as the play was performed this past Spring by two different theater companies.
  • Over 6,000 people have seen my Motivation Song on YouTube (see it at the end of this post).

Step by step. Goal by goal. Putting my plan into action.

Have those accomplishments resulted in a steady stream of income? Not yet. Have they touched lives in a postive way? Yes.

Am I on track? Yes. Am I as much a household name as Tony Robbins? Net yet. Do I always know how I’m going to pay this month’s bills? Nope.

Necessity is the mother of invention. Our backs are to the sea, the boats have been burned. There is nowhere to go but forward into the unknown.

So dare to dream folks. Dare to take action to fulfill your dream. Dare to find mentors to model yourself after. Dare to lovingly ignore the advice of parents, relatives, friends or anyone else who doesn’t “get” what you are all about.

Dare to believe in yourself even when outside events seem to conspire to get you to doubt.

Feed the Faith. Starve the Doubt. You gotta have some trust that it all works out…(better than you can possibly imagine)

Just in case you need a little motivation…

Please leave a comment below or share this with someone who many need your support today!

- Mark

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A Healing Class With Bernie Siegel

March 31, 2009 By

Through a typically strange series of events I found myself last night sitting in a class room at Amity High School in Woodbridge CT with Bernie Siegel. For those of you who may not know, Dr. Bernie Siegel was a pioneer in the medical field 30 years ago. His radical idea? Treating patients like human beings. Talking to them under anesthesia like they were still in the room. Using drawing and imagery. Connecting the Mind and The Body. Radical ideas 30 years ago.

He was reviled by the medical community. Research has proven his ideas to be sound.

In other words the guy is awesome! Every NLP practitioner and Hypnotherapist on the planet owes this Bernie Siegel a huge debt. As do holistic MD’s. If you ever need surgery and the surgeon talks to you and about you while your under as a human being, you owe him.

So I’m sitting there. Bernie asks the 20 of us why we are there.

We each tell our story a little bit. Bernie comments and acknowledges.

  • Some are there because their well is dry and they need a shot of Bernie.
  • Others are there because they are struggling with illness or the illness of a loved one.
  • Others are there because they want to learn more, so they can help others more.

I wasn’t really sure why I was there. I think the healer needed a shot of healing. I’ve been struggling with some big questions in my life. Bernie told story after story that resounded in me.

His mom said all the time. “Do what makes you happy.”

That one hit a nerve. I’ve been working on that one. In spite of old beliefs and well meaning friends who say “Well, if you do something to pay the bills that might make you only a little miserable, then you can do what makes you happy on the weekends…”

His mother said “Do what makes you happy.”  My mother said, “You can’t always be happy.” My mother also said, “If at first you don’t succeed, give up!” (she meant it as a joke but my literal ears took it as gospel).

Bernie mentioned a cancer patient of his who said, “My mother’s words are eating away at me.”

For some reason through the 2 hour class my left eye keeps tearing up.

I am on the cutting edge in my life of doing what makes me happy. Writing songs. Recording them. Performing. Teaching NLP. Working with clients. Sometimes there is money. Much of the time there is not.

I keep moving forward anyway. Sometimes pissed off. Sometimes blissful.

I asked myself a big question in December. If I had only 6 months to live what would I be doing? The answer came. Music. Spending time with my family and friends. Simple.

So I’ve recorded all the songs I wrote last year. Learn more about it at MarkShepardSongs.com (Only 30 more volumes to go!) Along the way I discovered that the music business is in a delightful state of disarray. Everything is being reinvented. No one knows how to make a living from music anymore.

Do what makes you happy? How? Oh! I “get” it! It’s a new challenge. A natural Zen Koan for the student to solve.

As I clear each new challenge in my life old patterns bubble up. So I clear them. Next layer. Next layer.

Then a test to see if I can hold the shift…Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can’t. So what? Give it another shot.

We are never done people! NLP and hypnosis and Reiki and EFT and Time Line Therapy and every other approach offers the ability to clear through stuff that may have been holding us down for years. But it is not a magical pill. There is no such thing. You have to do the work.

Abraham Lincoln said: “If I had 8 hours to cut down a tree I would spend 7 sharpening the ax.”

These techniques of change and personal transformation and healing are equivalent to the ax. They are tools. Practicing the techniques is like sharpening the ax. But ultimately we have to get up off our “buts” and swing the damn thing at the problem. We have to take action. Sometimes we get blisters. Sometimes we slip and fall. Get back up. Give it another swing. and another. and another.

We have to put our money where our mouths are.

And that’s why I’m in the class. The coach needs a coach. The healer needs a healer. The teacher needs a teacher. No body is done. No one has all the answers. No one. Not even Bernie Siegel. He asks more questions than anybody.

I’ve been writing songs for 30 years. Couldn’t get them out. I tried back in 1979. Went to Greenwich Village expecting to be “discovered”. No one seemed very impressed. So “programmed” by my mother’s words.(if at first you don’t succeed…give up!) I gave up.

I got a job. I started a family. and ten years went by. When I started feeling like I was going to die. I had to get help. Studied with an Energy Healer named Mearah Marqua. 3 years later I was making a living as a kid performer. Added storytelling. Added Drums.

Another 10 years went by.

7 years ago I started to learn NLP, Hypnosis, Time Line Therapy, EFT, Energy Healing. I made a lot of progress and changes.Learning. Learning. Practicing. Experimenting. Having outcomes that were not what I wanted. We used to call them “failures”. Pulling myself back up from where I fell. Each time a little stronger.

It took some time. Life takes time. But I swung the ax. Now these songs are starting to get out on the internet and through projects like “Letters to Daddy” and “Together We Can Change The World“. I’m performing family concerts at schools.I’m taking action. There are a million more things I could be doing. But I’m taking action. Sometimes I do something and it doesn’t seem to generate any income.

So I get frustrated. I replace the negative failure thoughts with the chant, “Why does it work out better than I can possibly imagine?” I ask the Universe, God, Atman, Allah, All That Is, whatever you want to call it, for help. Help me! Guide me! What do I do next? How can I get this stuff out into the world where it can do some good? How can I be a healer? How can I earn a living doing what makes me happy? Writing songs makes me happy. Singing them makes me happy. Recording them makes me happy. Helping people grow and transform their lives makes me happy.

You think God doesn’t answer prayers? Why then does a friend call me and say “Mark, I signed up for this Bernie Seigel class…oh and BTW I signed you up too.” ?

At the very intersection of our fears, doubts, struggles, wounds, and deepest desires lies healing.

In the next few days I’ll be sharing more thoughts from Bernie’s class.

As I re-read my notes and the handouts, my left eye starts to well up with a tear…One question he asks is this: “If you had only 15 minutes to live what would you do?”

If it’s warm today I will take my guitar and play on the street in Downtown New Haven.

Here are a few questions for you:

What are you going to do today that you’ve been stopping yourself from doing?

What would you do if you knew you could succeed?

Please leave a comment below. I want to know.

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Victim or Volunteer?

March 16, 2009 By

Are You A Victim or Are You A Volunteer?

This video by Robert Smith does an absolutely fabulous job of explaining how we create our pain and problems as well as how we explain our screwed-up-ness to ourselves and how we maintain it.

Please watch this carefully and take notes. Let me know your thoughts. – Mark

Filed Under: addiction, agoraphobia, anxiety, clear the fear, comfort foods, hypnosis, mass hysteria, nlp, NLP Focus, nlp in business, nlp in drug and alcohol counseling, NLP in grieving, NLP in Life, panic attack, performance anxiety, persuasion, trauma, Uncategorized, Weight Loss Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Girl Marries Dog In Bizarre Ritual

January 29, 2009 By

If you think you are not being influenced by the hypnotic choice of words in the media, think again.

Here is a short video of what appears to my eye to be a beautiful, symbolic traditional ceremony. The Reuters news agency chooses the word “Bizarre” to describe it and comments on the local illiteracy and superstition.

Here’s the text that accompanies the video ”

Jan 26 – In India’s eastern Jharkhand, villagers ‘married’ off a young girl to a stray dog to ward off an evil spirit.

The locals at Munda Dhanda village performed the ceremony as they believe it will overcome any curse that might fall on the family

Interestingly, the girl is free to get married later in life to a man without even seeking a divorce.

Superstitions are widespread in India, especially in rural areas where literacy is scarce.”

There’s quite a bit of Western arrogance and condescending judgment here.  Please be aware that when you watch or listen to the news you are being subtly and or not so subtly influenced and one might even go so far as to say hypnotized.

As an NLP practitioner, it’s entertaining and amusing to see this stuff go on all around. The mental manipulation by the media is so prevalent that It boggles my mind why more people don’t learn NLP just to protect themselves from being unconsciously manipulated.

As always I welcome your thoughts and comments!

- Mark

p.s. But you can’t argue with the grabbing power of that headline can you? What is it about us that is so susceptible to sensational head lines?

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Crush Anxiety with Laughter Yoga

November 21, 2008 By

Crush Anxiety with Laughter Yoga

One of the challenges with anxiety or depression or any other stuck state is to find a way to break out of the neurological pattern or “Program”.

NLP ( Neuro Linguistic Programming ) is all about “pattern interrupts” which give us behavioral choices. Change your physiology and it changes your internal world. change your internal world and it changes your physiology. The mind and the body are totally linked. We also have a choice of what to focus on and what to do in response to any external situation.

A friend of mine, Melanie Rudolph has recently introduced me to a growing movement cal

led Laughter Yoga which fits right in to the idea of change your physiology and your behavior and it changes your reality and experience of the world. (key NLP concepts BTW)

Melanie hosts a call every single night at 9 PM Eastern Time and you can call in to 712-432-3900 and enter this passcode: 6071292#. She guides the group in various laughter patterns. I’m planning on calling in tonight so I hope you’ll join me! 6071292#

Here’s Melanie’s Site: www.WellnessForYouFirst.com

But wait! There’s more! There are a bunch of other calls you can get on throughout the day so no matter where you are or what your schedule is you can take a laughter break to blast throug

h whatever you need to blast through to stay balanced and focused on joy. Talk about CRUSHING anxiety!

Best thing about it?

It’s FREE! Here’s the link to learn more: www.LaughterYogaUSA.com

Have an awesome, Joyful day!

Grin, smile, chortle, chuckle,tee hee, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, guffaw, ha, ha,hee, hee, snort…

Ahhhhhhh!

- Mark

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