One of the contributions of NLP to the world of communication excellence is the process I call “Magical Rapport”.

You know that feeling you get when you “click” with another person or you just met them but you feel like you’ve known them forever? That’s rapport. We all do it all the time unconsciously when we are connecting with another person. The most typical way we approach it is to talk and find things in common. “so, where are you from?” “How many children do you have” etc.  But the founders of NLP discovered that we do tons of other things that we don’t have the foggiest notion we’re doing, like matching and mirroring physiology and tonality (among other secret stuff)…

So NLP didn’t invent rapport, it just brought the unconscious process up into conscious awareness so that we could do it more often and with greater effectiveness.  It would take me hours to share all the stories of how I’ve been able to build deep and lasting business and personal friendships rapidly. Suffice it to say that people like to do business with people they like.

We cover rapid rapport building  fully in the Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Training. If you’re business or relationships could use a boost you might want to join us (there’s still time)

One of my NLP students who is a law enforcement professional asked a really good question and I wanted to answer it here on my blog so that all my students as well as those of you who are passionate about NLP could have a chance to hear my answer as well as to make a comment or share an experience you might have had with Rapport building.

Question:

I had a question regarding rapport.  When someone is displaying negative emotions such as defensive, angry or some other type of negative behavior, would mirroring or matching be counterproductive because of how the other person may interpret their behavior being matched or mirrored?

My concern was that because so much of communication is non-verbal this may only inflame an already negative situation. Or would mirroring and matching help to “sync” in with that person and once rapport is established you are now able to more effectively move the person away from those negative behaviors.  I could see both being applicable but on a case by case situation.  I would like to get your take on this as well as if it is a case by case situation what would be examples of when each would be appropriate.

Also are there more subtle rapport techniques within mirroring/matching that could be used such as only eye blinks or other less noticeable techniques like cross matching, etc…

- Mike L.

Answer:

When someone is angry or depressed we want to connect with them in a way that will enable them to feel heard and understood without getting pulled into their state. If you use the typical rapport skills of matching and mirroring words, tonality, and physiology with an angry person you will almost be guaranteed to get angry.

.

However there is nothing more infuriating to an angry person than dealing with someone who remains totally calm in the face of his/her anger. What we found in NLP was that if you mirror back the angry person’s tonality but say concilatory words, you will be able to connect enough so that the person can begin to hear you. Then once you’ve estabilished rapport, you can begin to gradually change your tonality and lead them into a calmer state.

.

With someone who is depressed you could also match their typically softer quieter tonality while beginning to use words of more positive and hopeful outlook.

.

Once we establish rapport we can test it to make sure we maintain it. Whenever we encounter resistance we need to go back and develop more rapport.

.

We can also use a technique called Crossover matching and mirroring, using one body part like a finger, to match the upset person’s eye blinks or foot tapping.

.

Josh is one of the students in the new Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Certification Course. I wanted to share his comments with you all as well as answer his questions and invite those of you who are still interested in learning NLP to “Defeat the Dark Side and Master Your Mind For A Change For Less Than A Latte.” )

The course is ridiculously cheap and set up to be a “do-it-at-your-own-pace” program.

Join us! Check it out Here: Modern Jedi NLP Trainings

The On-Line portion of the course is complimented by a Hands-On “Boot-Camp August 6-9, 2009 in the New Haven CT area. At the Boot-Camp we’ll take all the “foundation concepts” learned virtually and put them into practical use. Location is still TBD but we’ll be firming that up soon.

2009 NLP Bootcamp Up-Date: the Next Modern Jedi NLP Bootcamp will be Thursday, November 12 thru Sunday, November 15 in the New Haven, CT area.

2010 NLP Bootcamp Up-Date: SOMEWHERE WARM!

Here’s Josh’s e-mail:

Hi Mark,

First, I would like to thank you for you products, they have been pretty awesome and I can’t seem to get enough of NLP. In fact, it has helped so much, so fast, that at first, my wife was a little skeptical. But now, she wants to go with me to the August workshop, how cool is that?!

Also, I appreciate all the comments you made on my blog. I have never done anything like that, and I am actually having fun answering the questions in the quiz and learning how to blog.

Lastly, could you send me some information on the workshop in August. I would like to start making plans to do that as well.

Sincerely,

Joshua Kronlund

http://nlpstuff.blogspot.com

Thanks Josh! I’m glad you are experiencing the benefits of this awesome NLP material! I get personally excited about it because it just rocks!

One of the options I give the course students is to answer their quizzes on their blog, thereby creating content (which the search engines love) and learning some of the basics of Web 2.0 marketing.

To answer your question Josh, the Hands-On NLP Bootcamp will be August 6-9 in the New Haven CT area. The closest airport is Tweed Airport (just 5 minutes away). USAir links up to Tweed via Philadelphia.

The next closest is Bradley Airport near Hartford (about 45 minutes away) which is much larger. I’ve flown a number of times on Southwest out of Bradley.

Then of course there are the New York airports which have a lot more flights but are a definite challenge to get to during peak rush hour times.

Hope that helps.

I will hopefully firm up the location by next week.

- Mark

p.s. Want to know why I answered Joshua Kronlund’s e-mail here on my blog? Prior to this post when I googled Josh his blog did not come up on the first page of google. By the time Josh is done with the course a by product of his participation will be a much higher placement on google. While I can’t guarantee a first page placement. It’s kind of fun to see what we can do by doing just a few things differently. Essentially NLP is and attitude of wanton curiosity and willingness to experiment and pay attention to what works and what doesn’t. What works, we do more of!

So just for fun, in a week or so google Josh Kronlund or Josh Kronlund NLP and see what happens!

UPDATE 09/24/09

Check out what happens when you google “Josh Kronlund NLP”

Josh comes up on the 1st page not just once but several times. The point? When you take the Modern Jedi NLP course and choose to answer your quizzes on your blog, it will help you create a presence on line that could make a positive difference in your NLP career as well as your “day job”. Here are the screen shots:

Screen Shot 1

josh kronlund nlp

Screen shot 2

josh kronlund nlp student

Want to learn more? Since the new On-Line/Hands-On NLP course is designed for you to go at your own pace you can still join our current class! Defeat the Dark Side in Your Personal or Professional Life. Master Your Mind For A Change with NLP (For less than a latte)

Click here to discover: Modern Jedi NLP Trainings

• The Mind/Body Connection
• The link between language and physical manifestations of Dis-Ease and Healing
• Applications to business, healing, education, sports, peak performance

Q: How will the class process work?

Course material will be delivered on Fridays through a web-based program called Basecamp in the following multi-media formats:

• PDF’s
• Audio mp3 files
• Videos

Every Monday we will meet via tele-conference to cover that week’s lesson and answer any questions as well as to share stories and experiences of using the techniques

At the end of the course we will have a “boot-camp”

Q: What does the course Cover?

A: NLP Course Details

Q: What are the payment details?

A: NLP Trainings

Q: Does the course include Ericksonian Hypnosis and Time Line Therapy™ Techniques?

A: Yes. They may be separate trainings in the future. But for this release they are included at no extra charge.

Q: When does the course begin?

Updated answer posted 09/22/09

A: The first version of the new On-Line/Hands-On format began May 8th, 2009.  You can now begin the course at anytime and have 2 years to complete it. I’m continually adding videos and other materials to the course as well as improving the format and deliverability of the info.

Register for the Modern Jedi NLP Online Mind Mastery Course

• Defeat the Dark Side in your personal and professional life and
  

• Master your mind for a change

• That took only 17 minutes a day

• And cost less than lunch at McDonalds

Would you be interested or not?

Watch this video and let me know!

I need to know because I’ve re-invented my Modern Jedi NLP Certification Training. I’ve redesigned it so that you can get the massive benefits of applying Modern Jedi Mind mastery to the challenges in your life or work without having to invest a huge chunk of time or a huge chunk of money.

The new multi-media online course will be delivered to you in easily digestible bites each week so you can learn from the comfort of your own home.

And right now you can’t even sign up yet.

I just need a show of hands so I have an idea of how many of you are interested in defeating the dark side in your life or work and mastering your mind for a change

I’m still working out the logistics so I just need to know if you’re interested.

So if you’re interested just leave a comment below or e-mail me at modernjedi[at]gmail.com you can even call me personally at 203-495-8808.

I know you’re wondering what the details are and that’s a good thing!

Learn More about the Modern Jedi Online NLP Training and Join Us!

=========================================
“Hi Mark.  I am interested in taking
NLP training courses. When is your
next class starting?  I work during
the week, therefore I am hoping you
offer a weekend warrior program
so that the 9 to 5ers can participate.”

-Angela
==========================================

What about YOU? Would you like to master your Mind for a change? What would it be like to defeat
the DARK side in your professional or personal life? And just in time for Christmas?

Here’s what I’m thinking:

I could run the NLP course over 5 focused weekends and cover all the certification
requirements for:

** NLP Practitioner,
** Time Line Therapy(tm) Practitioner, and
** Ericksonian Hypnosis Practitioner.

I would also be able to include a brand new certification offered by the
American Board of NLP in NLP coaching.

Whew!  I know it sounds like a lot of certifications, and a number of folks have already asked me
“Mark, how is that possible?”

Here’s how it works.  Since  each certification  builds on the other ones presented so perfectly,
they can be combined with the pre-study materials and integrated into a single course that “just flows”.

============================================
So, if you’re interested, please check your calendar to make sure you can commit
to these proposed dates:

September 20-21
October 4-5
November 1-2
November 15-16
December 6-7

===========================================

The times would most likely run 9 to 5 on Sat and  Sunday.  There would be lots of healthy breaks,
and hands on interactivity to keep it fun and energizing.

Because there is not much time to promote this new program,  I’m only accepting a limited, select group of people (maximum of which would ensure you would get a lot of personal attention.

Location: New Haven, CT

To Register IMMEDIATELY go here:
http://www.modernjedi.com/register.htm

Again, this class will be limited to 8 people, and once those slots are filled I will not reopen the
program.  Okay?

Registration will only be open for a short time because we need to get:

** The manuals printed,
** Order the companion books
** Duplicate the 41 CD pre-study audio set

And get it all packed up and shipped to your door ASAP. If your like me you’ll want to dive
into the meat of this life changing program immediately!

To Register IMMEDIATELY:
http://www.modernjedi.com/register.htm

If you prefer, we can also get the process going
immediately over the phone.

My office number is 203-495-8808

Best time to reach us is weekdays 10-6 EST.

If you have any questions, just ask!