Posts Tagged ‘neuro linguistic programming’
7 Ways of Dealing With Negative People
I got a very thoughtful comment from one of my readers in response to my Brainwashing vs. Influence article that warranted a full post in reply.
) Life is too short to allow other people to drag you down to their level.Time Line Therapy vs. NLP Swish Pattern?
Just got this question from one of my NLP students and clients. I’m sharing it with his permission.
Hi mark I am wondering before you do swish patterns and other NLP techniques, don’t we really have to clear our fears with the Timeline Therapy Techniques™?
When we worked together 1:1 and I was able to allow joy to come in my life for the first time, it was a good start but my other issues about living life and business issues are still coming up.
When a fear comes up should I do Timeline on myself with the issue to get it clear first? In other words what is the checklist to follow for tools to use when a fear arises that is holding me back? I feel at this point I should be able to use the tools I am learning in your course and what I picked up at our breakthrough session .
I really understand that we are the only ones that can cure ourselves. Thanks so much.
-Name Witheld
Here’s my response:
An important Key to NLP Success: As long as we’re alive stuff will come up. It’s like your Unconscious Mind “gets” that it can release stuff now and so it keeps offering up new “layers” to be addressed. I also want to remind us all that when we do make a major shift to not discount it or negate it just because there is still more work to do. There will always be more to shift. That why it’s so cool to have a wide choice of NLP tools to choose from.
I find that when I clear something with timeline it typically stays cleared if I have gotten the root cause event. Sometimes, I’ve had to go back and clear a slightly different limiting decision that seemed to have the same root cause.
I prefer to do time line therapy techniques ® to clear the limiting decision and chain of negative emotions first. Then I’ll use the swish pattern to “program” the new response I want into my neurology. If you do a Swish pattern enough times it’s cool because the old negative “knee-jerk” trigger will now bring up the desired state or picture.
It’s hard to give a “check-list” of first do a. then b. then c. I tend to follow my intuition with what to do when.
What I love about NLP, Hypnosis, Time Line and EFT is that I can do a lot of things on my own to clear stuff that comes up at the moment it gets in my face. That’s one reason I truly believe in teaching my clients how to take charge of their own change rather than see me as the “curer” or “healer”. That said, sometimes though we just can’t get enough leverage on our selves to shift something. At those moments it can save a lot of time and angst to get help from a trained practitioner of NLP.
In those cases, I find it a lot easier to have someone else do it with me. That’s yet another benefit of the NLP Training because you not only learn how to do the NLP techniques on your own for yourself and for other people, but you actually get to take turns with the other students in being the “client” in our 4 day bootcamp. So you can clear a lot of your own stuff in the process of learning NLP. You also make friends with other people who “get” you and who are interested in clearing their own issues and blocks. So it makes a lot of sense to come to the training and then do trades afterward with the students you meet.
If I’m in a moment of “challenge” and I just need to shift something immediately, I use EFT. I tap and speak the “set up phrase” LOUDLY! It seems the more emotion I have towards clearing something the more powerful EFT tapping is. If you’d like to learn more about EFT click here: Get a free EFT Starter package
Here’s an example:
“Even though I thought I’d cleared this @#^&*$%!@$*%$!@# problem, I deeply and completely accept myself!”
I do a couple rounds unashamedly focusing on the problem and wallowing loudly in the whiny victim mode as much as I want while tapping the EFT acupressure points. I have so much fun with this that often that’s enough to snap me out of my funk!
Then I start feeding in positive how and why questions like:
“Even though I haven’t yet found and released the root cause event of this challenge, why do I deeply and completely accept myself?”
Finally I just tap on
“Why do I deeply and completely accept myself and why does it work out better than I can possibly imagine?”
“Why do I love myself? Why do I attract all the resources and assistance I need to clear this once and for all?”
Why do I resolve this in a way that’s even better than I can possibly imagine?”
etc.
Usually EFT clears pretty much everything from headaches to limiting beliefs.
If it doesn’t do the job for a particular issue I will next use swish patterns and other NLP submodalities techniques to get relief.
If I’m still not shifting the issue, then I will call one of my students/colleagues and get them to do Time Line Therapy with me. Sometimes I can do Time line by myself but I tend to space out and drift off unless someone is there keeping me on track.
Depending upon the issue, when I can’t get enough leverage on my “stuff” by myself, I call Joann Dunsing or Joe Schroder or Kathy McAfee or Kim Kasperian.
Remember that Tiger Woods has a coach and Michael Jordan had a coach. One of my greatest and most humbling lessons is that sometimes it saves a lot of time and money to get with someone who can get you the results you can’t always get on your own.
I have even just handed the Time Line Therapy™ script to someone who knew nothing about it and just had them read the damn thing. It worked like a charm because it kept me on task. The script doesn’t do the clearing, we do. So as you learn various techniques approach using them on your own issues or “stuff” with an attitude of wanton curiosity and playfulness.
I hope that answered the question and was helpful for those of you who are working to “Defeat The Dark Side In Your Personal And Professional Life. Master Your Mind For A Change with NLP!” )
Why does it work out better than you can possibly imagine?
-Mark Shepard, NLPT
Certified Master Practitioner and Trainer of NLP, Hypnosis & Time Line Therapy™
p.s. Any questions or comments? Leave them below. Please pass this post along on Twitter, or Facebook or StumbleUpon etc.
NLP Rapport Skills
NLP Success – A little taste of the material from Lesson 2 of the Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Training:
One of the contributions of NLP to the world of communication excellence is the process I call “Magical Rapport”.
You know that feeling you get when you “click” with another person or you just met them but you feel like you’ve known them forever? That’s rapport. We all do it all the time unconsciously when we are connecting with another person. The most typical way we approach it is to talk and find things in common. “so, where are you from?” “How many children do you have” etc. But the founders of NLP discovered that we do tons of other things that we don’t have the foggiest notion we’re doing, like matching and mirroring physiology and tonality (among other secret stuff)…
So NLP didn’t invent rapport, it just brought the unconscious process up into conscious awareness so that we could do it more often and with greater effectiveness. It would take me hours to share all the stories of how I’ve been able to build deep and lasting business and personal friendships rapidly. Suffice it to say that people like to do business with people they like.
We cover rapid rapport building fully in the Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Training. If you’re business or relationships could use a boost you might want to join us (there’s still time)
One of my NLP students who is a law enforcement professional asked a really good question and I wanted to answer it here on my blog so that all my students as well as those of you who are passionate about NLP could have a chance to hear my answer as well as to make a comment or share an experience you might have had with Rapport building.
Question:
I had a question regarding rapport. When someone is displaying negative emotions such as defensive, angry or some other type of negative behavior, would mirroring or matching be counterproductive because of how the other person may interpret their behavior being matched or mirrored?My concern was that because so much of communication is non-verbal this may only inflame an already negative situation. Or would mirroring and matching help to “sync” in with that person and once rapport is established you are now able to more effectively move the person away from those negative behaviors. I could see both being applicable but on a case by case situation. I would like to get your take on this as well as if it is a case by case situation what would be examples of when each would be appropriate.
Also are there more subtle rapport techniques within mirroring/matching that could be used such as only eye blinks or other less noticeable techniques like cross matching, etc…- Mike L.
Answer:
When someone is angry or depressed we want to connect with them in a way that will enable them to feel heard and understood without getting pulled into their state. If you use the typical rapport skills of matching and mirroring words, tonality, and physiology with an angry person you will almost be guaranteed to get angry..However there is nothing more infuriating to an angry person than dealing with someone who remains totally calm in the face of his/her anger. What we found in NLP was that if you mirror back the angry person’s tonality but say concilatory words, you will be able to connect enough so that the person can begin to hear you. Then once you’ve estabilished rapport, you can begin to gradually change your tonality and lead them into a calmer state..With someone who is depressed you could also match their typically softer quieter tonality while beginning to use words of more positive and hopeful outlook..Once we establish rapport we can test it to make sure we maintain it. Whenever we encounter resistance we need to go back and develop more rapport..We can also use a technique called Crossover matching and mirroring, using one body part like a finger, to match the upset person’s eye blinks or foot tapping..
Feedback on The Modern Jedi NLP Training
Got an e-mail from Josh Kronlund this morning.
Josh is one of the students in the new Modern Jedi NLP On-Line/Hands-On Certification Course. I wanted to share his comments with you all as well as answer his questions and invite those of you who are still interested in learning NLP to “Defeat the Dark Side and Master Your Mind For A Change For Less Than A Latte.” )
The course is ridiculously cheap and set up to be a “do-it-at-your-own-pace” program.
Join us! Check it out Here: Modern Jedi NLP Trainings
The On-Line portion of the course is complimented by a Hands-On “Boot-Camp August 6-9, 2009 in the New Haven CT area. At the Boot-Camp we’ll take all the “foundation concepts” learned virtually and put them into practical use. Location is still TBD but we’ll be firming that up soon.
2009 NLP Bootcamp Up-Date: the Next Modern Jedi NLP Bootcamp will be Thursday, November 12 thru Sunday, November 15 in the New Haven, CT area.
2010 NLP Bootcamp Up-Date: SOMEWHERE WARM!
Here’s Josh’s e-mail:
Hi Mark,
First, I would like to thank you for you products, they have been pretty awesome and I can’t seem to get enough of NLP. In fact, it has helped so much, so fast, that at first, my wife was a little skeptical. But now, she wants to go with me to the August workshop, how cool is that?!
Also, I appreciate all the comments you made on my blog. I have never done anything like that, and I am actually having fun answering the questions in the quiz and learning how to blog.
Lastly, could you send me some information on the workshop in August. I would like to start making plans to do that as well.
Sincerely,
Joshua Kronlund
Thanks Josh! I’m glad you are experiencing the benefits of this awesome NLP material! I get personally excited about it because it just rocks!
One of the options I give the course students is to answer their quizzes on their blog, thereby creating content (which the search engines love) and learning some of the basics of Web 2.0 marketing.
To answer your question Josh, the Hands-On NLP Bootcamp will be August 6-9 in the New Haven CT area. The closest airport is Tweed Airport (just 5 minutes away). USAir links up to Tweed via Philadelphia.
The next closest is Bradley Airport near Hartford (about 45 minutes away) which is much larger. I’ve flown a number of times on Southwest out of Bradley.
Then of course there are the New York airports which have a lot more flights but are a definite challenge to get to during peak rush hour times.
Hope that helps.
I will hopefully firm up the location by next week.
- Mark
p.s. Want to know why I answered Joshua Kronlund’s e-mail here on my blog? Prior to this post when I googled Josh his blog did not come up on the first page of google. By the time Josh is done with the course a by product of his participation will be a much higher placement on google. While I can’t guarantee a first page placement. It’s kind of fun to see what we can do by doing just a few things differently. Essentially NLP is and attitude of wanton curiosity and willingness to experiment and pay attention to what works and what doesn’t. What works, we do more of!
So just for fun, in a week or so google Josh Kronlund or Josh Kronlund NLP and see what happens!
UPDATE 09/24/09
Check out what happens when you google “Josh Kronlund NLP”
Josh comes up on the 1st page not just once but several times. The point? When you take the Modern Jedi NLP course and choose to answer your quizzes on your blog, it will help you create a presence on line that could make a positive difference in your NLP career as well as your “day job”. Here are the screen shots:
Screen Shot 1
josh kronlund nlp
Screen shot 2
josh kronlund nlp student
NLP Q & A Call Part 1
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
This is Part 1 of a Question and Answer call about Mark Shepard’s Modern Jedi NLP Online Course (recorded 4/29/2009)
Introduction to the Modern Jedi NLP Online Course
- Convenient
- Affordable
- Multi-media
- NLP Community Master-Mind
- A few examples of Real People Using NLP Michael Guerin and Rob Bronson
- Graduates of this course will be able to be certified NLP Practitioners or they can just use the tools and techniques to improve their lives.
Q: What is NLP?
A: Neuro Linguistic Programming is all about how you run your mind. How you interpret the external world and make sense of it internally. It’s also the study of excellence. It’s also all about how you communicate with other people.
NLP is partly modeled on the work of Dr. Milton Erickson, MD “the father of Modern Hypnosis” as well as some of best Therapists, athletes, business people, etc.
Your behavior, thoughts, reactions, interpretations of the world, etc are under our control…if we knew how to access the “programs”. People can make incredible improvements in their lives, relationships and work rapidly.
Q: Can NLP help with changes where a person knows they should eat more vegetables but just never does?
A: Yes. I give a short introduction to NLP submodalities on the recording.
Q: A question about Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic channels of communication.
A: I give an example of making a quick change with a client using kinesthetic submodalities (over the phone while in the grocery store)
Q: How young can a client be and what intelligence level is needed for success with NLP?
A: Works great with kids. Works with all intelligence levels as long as a client can access their imagination.
Q: Can you explain about how your unconscious mind doesn’t recognize the difference between what is real and what is a memory or an imagined event?
A: Explained with example
Why are bad attitudes so contagious?
The simplest answer is: Thoughts have an energetic frequency. Like sound vibrations, they broadcast outward and affect other fields. Like a contagious rhythm your energy field will begin to pick up the vibration and start to entrain to it. In a drumming circle if someone is really off the rhythm it will pull everyone else off. UNLESS. The main group of drummers listen to each other and not to the out of rhythm one. In this case the more powerful and plentiful rhythm will overwhelm and drown out the “negative” one.
If there is a group of twenty really bad drummers and one really good drummer he will be taken down to their frequency. He may have to stop and take his drum and get out of there.
If you are around negative people and can’t get away from them (i.e. you share the same office, etc.), what can you do?
Other than staying away from negative people there are a few things you can do to protect yourself from the viral power of negative thoughts spewing from the world around you. Most of them use the power you have to manage your own thoughts: