Mom | NLP Practitioner & Trainer

7 Ways of Dealing With Negative People

January 17, 2012 By Mark Shepard

NLP gives us resources in dealing with mean or difficult people...

I got a very thoughtful comment from one of my readers in response to my Brainwashing vs. Influence article that warranted a full post in reply.

“Your article really hit a nerve, since my wife and i were talking about my parents recently. my dad retired 6 years ago, and my mom retired last august. and now they sit around the house, watch way too much fox news, and complain about the world. It’s sad.

We used to get together and have a lot more fun.

Now… it’s different. when they visit I’m always telling them (hey, no news, ok?) so they’ll change the channel.

Being self-employed for more than 5 years has made me nearly fanatical about staying positive, surrounding myself with positive people, and avoiding energy-draining negativity.

Here’s a question for you? Why is it that bad attitudes are so contagious? Any nlp wisdom for that one?

If you are around negative people and can’t get away from them (i.e. you share the same office, etc.), what can you do?

thanks,

Michael Guerin, Merchant Account Processing Specialist

Why are bad attitudes so contagious?

The simplest answer is: Thoughts have an energetic frequency. Like sound vibrations, they broadcast outward and affect other fields. Like a contagious rhythm your energy field will begin to pick up the vibration and start to entrain to it. In a drumming circle if someone is really off the rhythm it will pull everyone else off. UNLESS. The main group of drummers listen to each other and not to the out of rhythm one. In this case the more powerful and plentiful rhythm will overwhelm and drown out the “negative” one.

If there is a group of twenty really bad drummers and one really good drummer he will be taken down to their frequency. He may have to stop and take his drum and get out of there.

If you are around negative people and can’t get away from them (i.e. you share the same office, etc.), what can you do?

Other than staying away from negative people there are a few things you can do to protect yourself from the viral power of negative thoughts spewing from the world around you. Most of them use the power you have to manage your own thoughts:

Imagine a powerful force field around yourself that “Zaps” negative external thoughts like a bug zapper.
Imagine yourself big and huge and powerful like the “Jolly Green Giant” waaaaay up above the little “chirps” of negative voices down below you. It also helps to imagine the negative people to be like whiny little children. You don’t hold it against kids that they can get whiny. But you also don’t tolerate it.
Chant inside your own mind: “Why does it work out better than I can possibly imagine.” also put it in 2nd and 3rd person: “Why does it work out better than you can possibly imagine?” and “Why Does it work out better than they can possibly imagine?”
In some cases you may need to challenge them. I would suggest that instead of confrontation, you use the Modern Jedi NLP techniques of “Positive Negatives”. Here’s an example: “I’m not suggesting that you are really being negative, but it seems to me that someone as intelligent as you are could notice some positive aspects about that situation that might put it into perspective…” This statement “calls” them on their negativity and also compliments and challenges them all at the same time.
Another possible solution is to put your parents to work! If they have nothing better to do than sit around watching TV give them a job. Teach them how to do some of the things that you need help with in the office. Engage them to help with the grand kids. If they feel needed and have something vital to contribute they may make a shift.
For people who you have to share an office with or who are on a team with you, but who you have no managerial responsibility, be very careful. In a meeting where new ideas are being offered, the “devils advocate” types will kill innovation if they are allowed in too soon. However, they can envision what can go wrong with something, so later on they can be an asset in de-bugging an idea or process.
Ultimately, we always have a choice. If you are feeling stuck in a molasses like goo of negativity at work or at home you may have to leave. I know that may sound extreme but it may be necessary to protect yourself or give yourself some time to get stronger.

To sum it all up:

First: You have to manage and take charge of what you can control. Your own mind. Turn up your inner positive volume and use the power of your imagination to turn the negative voices down.

Second: Look for ways and resources that will enable you to either distract the negative people or to use their negativity in a positive way. But again, you have to be in charge of it. Lead them away from negativity and towards positivity. In some cases you might have to lay out the rules.

Third: If all else fails? Get the hell away from them!

) Life is too short to allow other people to drag you down to their level.

Want to learn more? There are plenty more tools and techniques that you can discover when you decide to

“Defeat The Dark Side and Master Your Mind For A Change With NLP.”

Check out the Modern Jedi On-line/Hands-One NLP Training

Photo byDanny Hammontree, Flickr.com

Filed Under: nlp, nlp in business Tagged With: 6 Years, Bad Attitudes, Brainwashing, Dad, Drummer, Drummers, Drumming Circle, Energy Field, Fox News, mark shepard, Merchant Account, Michael Guerin, modern jedi, Mom, Negative People, Negative Thinking, Negative Thoughts, Nerve, neuro linguistic programming, nlp, Nlp Success, Nlp Tools, Parents, People, Positive Thinking, Reply, Rhythm, Sound Vibrations, Vibration, Wisdom

Bernie Seigelisms

April 1, 2009 By Mark Shepard

Some more notes from my class last Monday with Dr. Bernie Siegel.

Water is an incredible role model.The ocean waves never complain about smashing up against the shore. A river never whines about having to flow over rocks. A pond never gets annoyed because it is so small and still.
Actors immune systems respond to the role they are playing. Comedy increases healthy immune response measurements. Tragedy lowers immune system health. Be careful what roles you choose to play.
Act and behave as the person you want to be.
Decide who you want to be. Wake up tomorrow morning and be that person.
Do what makes you happy.Bernie Siegel’s mom said that all the time. He “got” it.
He had a cancer patient who said, “My mother’s words have been eating away at me for 30 years…” Eventually he manifested what was festering inside.
Bring forth what is within. Stop holding back emotions. Stop stopping yourself. Express. Flow.
Losing track of time is the healthiest state you can be in.
If you lose your health, go look for it.
When asking or even confronting a patient about the true cause of their dis-ease, asking them “what does this illness do for you?” What does this illness mean to you? What are the benefits you drive from your illness? What is the blessing in the curse? This is ASKING the patient it is not blaming them. Asking a person to acknowledge that their illness has meaning for them is not blaming them for having the illness. It does give them the power to change and may even save their life.
Death is not the horrible thing to be afraid of. Bernie choked to death as a young child. He saw himself lying on the bed. When his windpipe cleared and he was sucked back into his body he was “Mad as hell!” Most people who have experienced being clinically dead and then brought back express deep annoyance. What a drag! Life is hard.
Someone called Bernie to tell him he was going to kill himself. Bernie said “If you kill yourself I’ll never speak to you again!” and hung up the phone. His friend was really ticked off and showed up the next day furious. Bernie pointed out, “We’ll since you’re here yelling at me I guess you didn’t kill yourself afterall!”

Any thoughts? Leave a comment below! More next week.

Filed Under: nlp Tagged With: Actors, Annoyance, Array, Bernie Siegel, Cancer Patient, Comedy, Comedy Tragedy, Curse, Dis Ease, Dr Bernie Siegel, Emotions, Healthiest State, Immune Response, Immune System Health, Immune Systems, Last Monday, Life Death, Losing Track Of Time, Mom, Ocean Waves, Response Measurements, Role Model, Tomorrow Morning, Tragedy, True Cause, Wake Up Tomorrow, Windpipe

Anxiety Culture

January 19, 2009 By Mark Shepard

I found a great site today that I think you might want to check out. It’s called Anxiety Culture www.AnxityCulture.com in particular there was a great article on “How To Stop Worrying” that offers some very helpful techniques along with quite a bit of welcome humor.

Because I know you have so much to worry about right now and probably won’t click through to read the article I’ll do my best to summarize it for you.

According to the author, there are 2 obstacles to getting over worry.

Happiness has to be earned and therefore we don’t “deserve” to be happy:
“Centuries-old cultural conditioning has given us a nasty neurosis: the belief that happiness must be “earned”. It can be “earned” only by enduring unpleasantness (eg work, pain, misery). But how do you know if you’ve endured enough unpleasantness to deserve happiness? Another unspoken game rule: “responsible adults” can never endure enough unpleasantness to truly deserve happiness.”
The idea that worrying serves a purpose.
“You won’t stop worrying if you think it serves you. So it’s a good idea to distinguish the fight-or-flight response (a healthy bodily reaction to immediate danger) from worry (a psychological problem). By making this distinction, you’re less likely to overrate the value of worrying.”

In my own experience with anxiety (really just a more intense form of worry) as well as working with hundreds of anxiety sufferers over the years is that one of the key beliefs is that “if you care about someone then you will worry about them.” This is particularly true of parents and their children. Nobody wants to be thought of as “uncaring”. My mom used to tell me she would lie awake worrying about me imagining me lying in a pool of blood…Essentially that kind of worrying is like a “negative prayer.” So letting go of some of these old beliefs and cultural “programs” is essential in worry and anxiety relief.

The author of the article then goes on to give two techniques to reduce worry.

The first one is:

“The trick is that whenever you feel plagued by a worrying thought, note it down on a “worry sheet” (a piece of paper set aside for the purpose) – you can then forget about it, knowing that you plan to worry later.”

I have not personally tried this technique but I’d love to hear from any of you out there in cyber space you might want to give this a try.

The second one is based on the understanding that your mind can’t process a negative (something I’ve said about a gazillion times before). Even though you consciously don’t think you want it, telling yourself to not thinking about crashing the car causes your unconscious mind to think about crashing the car. So the Anxiety Culture author uses the analogy of drinvg a car with one foot on the brake and one foot on the accelerator…and your feet are tied together. So in order to stop one you have to stop both but your mind refuses…so the author suggests the solution is

“You somehow have to persuade (or con) your brain into thinking it’s safe to lift both feet from the worry pedals.”

No solution is given on how to do that…which is fine because that’s where I come in. In my r experience, the way to persuade your mind to lift both feet off the pedals is available through the combined modern jedi mind mastery tools of NLP, Time Line, EFT and Hypnosis.

Of course if you’re like most anxiety sufferers you worry that NLP, Time Line Therapy, EFT and Hypnosis are effective for other people, you worry that you won’t be able to afford it...or you’ll worry that you’ll pay a lot of money but not get the relief promised...do you see how worrying just messes with your mind?

If you sincerely can’t stand being controlled by the worry, anxiety, panic monkey on your back any longer and are willing to let go of some of the old notions that “worry” is noble or good or whatever. Then drop me an e-mail at mark [at] MarkShepard.com or call my office at 203-495-8808 (9-5 Eastern US Time)

In the meantime if you’re curious how the media feeds your worry every day check out www.AnxityCulture.com

or Read the full article “How To Stop Worrying”

As always, please leave a comment below and share this post with “Stumbleupon”, “Digg”, Facebook etc.

Yours truly,

Mark Shepard, NLPT

Filed Under: nlp Tagged With: anxiety, Anxiety Culture, Anxiety Relief, Anxiety Sufferers, Avoiding Responsibility, Belief That, Centuries, Culture Www, Distinction, Fear, Fight Or Flight, Flight Response, Game, Happiness, How To Stop Worrying, Humor, Misery, Mom, Nasty, Neurosis, Obstacles, Panic, panic attack, Parents And Their Children, Piece Of Paper, Pool Of Blood, Prayer, Psychological Problem, Responsible Adults, Worrying

7 Ways of Dealing With Negative People

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