Modern Jedi NLP Mind Mastery

Posts Tagged ‘copy writing’

Every Monday I meet with a small group of entrepreneurs in a “mastermind.” We’ve been meeting since last September and have pooled our resources to study some of the best internet information marketers out there like Frank Kern, Eban Pagan, Jeff Walker, Rich Schefren, Jeff Johnson and others.

On more than one occasion this group has helped me keep my stuff together in the midst of stress, uncertainty and the inevitable roller coaster ride that is part of being an entrepreneur. We support each other, educate each other, hold each other accountable, and…

challenge each other…

So last Monday as I was wrapping up my registration for the Modern Jedi NLP Training, Rob Bronson, who we fondly call our “chief technology officer” got really passionate about sending out a challenging e-mail to wrap things up…

Rob can be extremely blunt. But I would rather have in my face honesty than a bunch of “yes” men. He’s been studying a course by uber copy writer John Carlton and frankly he’s been in so deep that he’s been a little bit hard to live with….

He was passionate, almost ranting, about how “you have to light a fire under people to get them to take action.”

Now, I normally take a much kinder, gentler approach to persuasion. I live by the NLP presupposition that “the meaning of your communication is the response you get”. I also live by the NLP presuppositions that “there is no failure, only feedback” and “the most flexible communicator controls the communication.”

So I took Rob’s letter (I actually toned it down a lot) and I sent it out to my e-mail list to see what would happen. Registration was pretty much closed anyway so I didn’t feel there was much to lose and at the very least we’d have a test of whether his ideas were valid or my preferred method was better…

So here is the e-mail:

(Warning this ticked off a lot my readers so as you read it now please keep a little emotional distance from it so you don’t get all offended and huffy okay? )

===========================

Subject Line: Bad things are about to happen…

Dear ________________

Rob Bronson is one of my NLP students. He’s also my technology
coach and the main force behind my ability to do video and audio
on line. As part of my weekly master mind group he knows where
my heart is and my passion about this NLP stuff. He insisted on
writing this letter…Parts of it are a little blunt but I
think he makes a powerful point…read on

“Hi %$firstname$%, this is Rob Bronson, and I have a few
things on my mind that I can’t hold in anymore…

================================================
If you’ve already registered for the NLP training,
don’t read this.

If you have no interest in the NLP training,
don’t read this.
================================================

I know for a fact that you want what the Modern Jedi NLP
Training offers…

But if you are sitting there thinking about it.

Then this message is for you.

===============================================
Bad things are about to happen…
===============================================

What scares you the most?

$5 per gallon gas
War in the middle east
Economic uncertainty
Inflation
The mortgage crisis
Crime
Drugs
Healthcare crisis

Are you really prepared to deal with all that’s coming your
way? You’ve got problems you didn’t even know about

The point is what are you doing? Right now? This minute.

You have two choices.

1. Do nothing, and get what you’ve always gotten.

* You can continue to suffer.
* Your struggle will not end,
* You’re probably freaking out [right now],
* feeling sorry for your self.
* Being depressd.

You can try to ignore it, and sit there being afraid.

If you decide not to take action and learn NLP, are you sure you
can live with the consequences?

Are you able to accept that not taking action now is what
you’ve always done…

Ask yourself this:

what would your spouse or parents think about you sitting there
doing nothing?

what would your friends think about you sitting there afraid to
make a decision and move forward?

How are you going to explain to your children that you could
have made a better life for them if only you had made the choice
to take action now… or maybe you can’t afford kids yet?

So what are you going to do about it?

You have a second choice!

2. Take action now.

* Get the right tools, not walmart tools… samurai tools.

* Get help that no one has been offering before now…

* Get support where no one else would support you.

* Take back the power to call the shots in your life.

* Get the power to create your own economic destiny.
NOT the one everybody else is losing sleep over.

Do you want to have that power?
Do you want to be in control regardless of the outcome?
how would it feel to know that you could change anything…

In the end you really have only one choice.

You have until midnight to Take action put your money
down towards something that will change your life.

click here to take action now:

http://www.modernjedi.com/register.htm

============================================
If that’s not enough to jump at this opportunity,
then keep reading.

============================================

After midnight it’s over and there will never again be such a
generous offer.

There will be no bonuses… no private coaching…

No chance to take control..

Unless you Act on this One-Time-Only Offer.

If you buy this training before midnight, you will get:

* 2 hours one on one with Mark Shepard. People routinely
pay $500 per hour to get that (there are only a few of
these left).

You will also get:

* New Multi-Media Online NLP Training Module that
teaches you everything you need so that after you
come to the live training you have all the resources
you need to put it into practice and MASTER the material.
($4,764 value)

* 40 CD NLP Study Set
containing the entire 2007 NLP training for easy
reference at any time. (Value $1,500)

* Ongoing Coaching and Support Program to help you
with implement all you’ve learned there will be regular
“mastermind” sessions and practice sessions by phone as
well as in person. ($5,999 value)

* $1,000 Discount Coupon off of the NLP Master Practitioner
program should you decide to take the next level.
($1,000 value)

click here to take action now:

http://www.modernjedi.com/register.htm

See you in July!

Yours truly,

Rob Bronson”

==================================

Rob lays it out straight huh?

Mark

p.s. As an added Bonus,
Rob has offered a full 30 day free membership
to his “Point and Click Faster” program which is a
guide for the “non technology” professional to stop
wasting time with computer frustration.

I immediately got a very upset e-mail and so I figured I better check in and see what was going on. Here’s my next e-mail:

Dear _______________,

I’ve been getting a lot of mail about last night’s
“Bad things are about to happen” message.

A lot of response was positive. Some wasn’t…

I’d love YOUR opinion. at any point just hit reply
and let me know what you think…

here’s one passionate reaction and my response.

Oh! and there’s a secret at the end…

=======================================================
Dear Mark,

I’m glad I got this on Tuesday because that crap
is not how you would convince me to try to come [to the
NLP training].

That is too bad that a scare tactic was thought to
have been the way to get to me and maybe others.
Maybe it should have been considered that some of
the recipients would have had anxiety and phobias.

That e-mail was done in a tone that might freak them
and I am sure that is not what we all want for
them. Maybe it is just me seeing it that way but
regardless of my decision that was not what I would
want or need to hear from someone. By being negative
that only feeds into the worlds issues and you
are playing their game. One needs to look at the
positive and focus there and you will get more of
that in life.

I thought that is what we were all going for here.
I hope your day is filled with
POSITIVE things coming your way.—Scott

===================================

here’s my response:

===================================

Hey Scott
thanks for your feedback I really appreciate it.

I totally appreciate your reaction….
That’s why I normally take a much gentler approach…

However, NLP is all about being willing to test ideas…

there is no failure, only feedback….

My friend Rob insisted I was being too soft and that’s why
some people weren’t taking action….so I was willing to test
his theory to get feedback…

I agree with you that taking a strong approach like that
might stir some people up….But I would rather get a reaction,
any reaction than bland indifference…

I have to be honest with you Scott….

I have totally put my heart on the line and done
everything short of coming to your house and the
homes of the other folks who are on the fence about the
NLP training….

So I need to know what’s going on in YOUR head.

the people that come either to work with me 1:1 or to my
trainings and workshops get real results. It is typical
for them to totally transform their lives… massively
increase their incomes…improve every area…

But getting them in the door…overcoming their fears, and…
their excuses….getting their butts in the seats is
frustrating…this NLP stuff is so good, I wonder why
it isn’t a no brainer for folks…

what CAN I do to grab peoples attention and get them to
realize this program can make their dreams possible?

If I have to push in order to get people over the edge
of their inertia and doubts…I’m willing to take a chance
and try it….I’ve got nothing to lose.

…by pushing the boundaries…

What do you think? I need your input on this

What would make it so safe for you (moving towards)
that you and others like you would commit to being
at the training?

or what would confront you with the pain of staying the
way you are so much (moving away from) that you would
take a deep breath and say “yes! I’m there”?

I want to know this Scott.

What is the cost in YOUR life of NOT taking action?

How can I confront people with the COST of not changing in a
way that is gentle enough to not scare them but firm enough
to lead them in…

Can you tell me that? I need to know.

I can’t help anybody unless they take the next step
and register and then show up to the class….

I can’t help the millions of people out there who NEED
what I have to offer unless I can figure out how to
either pull them in with love or scare them in with the
consequences of not taking action…

…so I can greet them at the door with love and reassurance
and hand them the proper tools and support so I can prove
the FEAR and LACK is a total illusion….

So talk to me about this.

What would make it possible for you to be with us in July?
What would make it impossible for you to say no?

just hit reply and let me know…
==========================================

so that’s basically my response….

what do YOU think? was yesterday’s e-mail too harsh? or
too restrained? What would cause YOU to absolutely “be
there or be square” in July?

just hit reply and let me know

So that’s what I sent out…all the response is in a separate post labeled “the Big Response”

One thing I noticed in the responses is that while everybody told me whether they liked the e-mail or not (most didn’t) nobody told me the answers to my questions about “what would make you want to come to the training?”

Personally, I’m definitely over the old fears I used to have about offending people or being criticized… )

thanks for reading. Please feel free to put your two cents in by clicking the comments link below.

Mark Shepard, NLPT

For the record these are the responses I received to my request for feedback. I had sent out an e-mail blast with a letter from my friend Rob Bronson urging (okay more like “haranguing) my list to get off their “buts” and sign up for the NLP training.

I’ll talk about my reasons for doing so in a separate post. The most important thing to remember as you scan through these is that I actually received a HUGE amount of very valuable information about my list. I had always taken a very gentle approach because I instinctively prefer it. Rob’s insistence was that it’s always good to stir up the pot a bit and provoke people to react…

Well people certainly reacted!

-Mark

here’s the buzz: (you can add your two cents in the comments section at the bottom)

================

I think this is EXCELLENT – very provocative writing.- Kathy

===========

It is not blunt… we are in very serious times as you know. – Martha

===========

I must admit it freaked me out since I just heard about some medical
issues my partner will have to deal with!!!! – k.

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I was turned off by the whole negative theme. – Marie

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I didn’t like that email, as both a marketer and as someone in your circle of followers. It did feel a little too negative, too “salesy”… – Michelle

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Too negative…I deleted it half way through. – Ellen

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did have a negative reaction to the Bad Things subject line; it seemed to run counter to what you teach. – Beverly

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WOW, the content in that email is so negative and depressing. Totally the opposite of your NLP teachings. I actually felt turned off and disturbed — not with the world, but rather with (I’m sorry for saying this) where it came from. I guess the question is “why did you feel compelled to try THAT way?” – Teresa

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Rob’s letter was blunt, to the point, and direct. It probably got a ton of attention! For some, it would be a complete turn off. If you think it was effective, then it worked. You won’t make everyone happy so keep that in mind.
-Julie

==============

It’s funny that I didn’t see the message before looking at your music.
Here’s my initial response:

I love your voice.
I love that you are going forward with your music.
Too often we stuff the good things about us somewhere else while we are out in the world as spiritual helpers. – Melissa

===============

I appreciate you asking my opinion on the matter. Actually I have 2 thoughts on the letter:

1. From the ole’ presuppositions of NLP…”the meaning of a communication is the response that you get.” Some people will respond negatively to that email, especially if that isn’t their motivational strategy. However,

2. For those that have an AWAY metaprogram your letter hit on Modal Operators of both Necessity and Possibility. It could be highly effective.

Will it be popular? Probably not. I might have issued a letter with that content using Softeners and Modal operators of possibility. Again. I don’t have all the training to analyze all of the content the way that I would like to but I think you are going to get a response.

I was once told that any response is a good response. Any publicity can be good publicity.

Personally, I don’t think that I would have sent that letter. I think there are more positive ways to present the same information and after all; Who knows? You may get more enrollment from those who respond to that type of motivational stimulai. You may have touched on a few heart strings.

I personally was not offended by it. I thought you had some valid points and think it could be very effective. I have learned that any thought,word or action will have an effect and that effect can be either positive or negative depending on your frame size. Let me know how things work out. – Tim

=========

By and large these emails don’t impact me because the industry is filled with them. Every chance is always the last chance… There is also an assessment made that people are either signing up for the course or doing nothing. This bifurcated approach only highlights the lack of perspective of the writer.

Stepping back from the hard assessment, it is clear your friend believes in you and your program and is trying to move the fence sitters off their positions. It may work with some and won’t work with others. The problem with this type of approach, as I see it, is that it will attract a certain type of individual and I would think that have a diverse crowd of individuals is always better to a room full of nodding heads. – Michael

===========

So will, some won’t, so what.

If you are fine with what Rob said and you thought it was a good idea then stay with it. After hearing the responses you change your mind, then you learned something about yourself and about your business.

My response to the email….I hope Rob is taking his own advice….LOL -Kim

===========

I thought the email made an assumption that i was not taking steps to change my life. my immediate reaction was, ‘that’s rather presumptuous’. However, my reasons for not signing up are the following:

-I’m not interested in becoming certified
-it’s way out of my price range – even the creative financing
options. too expensive for something i really don’t want to be certified in.
I’m a life learner but not at the level to preach/teach etc…
-the product and service may be overkill for the audience you are speaking to?
or split it up into a certification program vs. modules where people can
learn and grow but they don’t have to go and get certified to teach it.

hope this helps. good luck. i’ll still listen to ya’…:) ~Liz

===============

I am more in agreement with Scott than you. If that is the way something needs marketing, then it should remain unsold is my view. Replying with more marketing hype than one can shake a stick at is just rubbing salt into the wound, and actually serves to prove Scott’s point (to some extent) and certainly mine.

Regards,

Ian

================

When I read the beginning of that email, I immediately said to myself :scare tactic. I filter everything that I read or see
because I don’t operate from a point of fear and guilt; I operate from a point of confident awareness. Since I have chosen to separate myself and am not part of the fear and guilt culture that permeates our society these days, and since I do NOT consider this the Jedi-way of training, I find that your resorting to this tactic may be your part of your Journey; however, it is not part of mine. I don’t purchase or buy or believe in something because I am coerced or manipulated by the
fear and guilt we have been conditioned to respond to by today’s media and popular Christian views.

I am requesting that you remove me from your mailing list. Thank you. Kim H.

=================

Nah, I don’t think you were too harsh at all your just getting you point across, and if I didn’t live in the UK I would be there! cheers Daniel

================

Since you asking for more feedback: Frankly, I found your headline last night so off-putting in its tone I threw the email away w/o reading it. -GW

===============

My reaction was also negative. My reaction is tempered by having met you a couple of times, understanding the heart that you put into this and recognizing your authenticity. Still, the volume of emails, the length of some of them, and the tone of that last one can come across as harder core marketing even though that may not be where you’re coming from.

I commiserate with your position. It’s a difficult balance trying to get the message out, stoke people into action, and yet coming across as your genuine self. I fail on the side of not getting started on e-marketing despite my IT background and might do well to take some lessons from your concerted effort. I applaud you for your thoughtfulness, your energy and stick-to-it-iveness! – Jeff

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With all due respect, I too thought it was in poor taste, and not a marketing technique I would recommend to you or anyone else I care about. I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you explicitly asked for feedback, there you have it!

Chalk this one up to a “life lesson”!

- Tom

==============

As far as the tone of the email… I agree with Scott but I don’t take it as a threat or even freaky, I see it more like a ploy and a possible indication that you may be having difficulty filling the class. Marketing can be a tricky business so it’s important to be true to yourself and it will shine through to your audience

- Len

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I agree with Scott.

Chris

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I hadn’t read you “bad things about to happen” email until I got this one. But I would have to agree that it is motivation by fear and shame/guilt. It is inconsistent with most of the stuff you put out. I didn’t have any problem with grabbing our attention by framing the “itch.” This section….

>If you decide not to take action and learn NLP, are you sure you
can live with the consequences?

>Are you able to accept that not taking action now is what
you’ve always done…

>Ask yourself this:

>what would your spouse or parents think about you sitting there
doing nothing?

>what would your friends think about you sitting there afraid to
make a decision and move forward?

>How are you going to explain to your children that you could
have made a better life for them if only you had made the choice
to take action now… or maybe you can’t afford kids yet?

… is really bogus and make you sound desperate for clients (which I doubt is the case). It smacks of a religious fervor with NLP as the source of salvation.

However, you got me to respond for the first time to one of your emails. Maybe some paradoxical intent?

You can and have done better with your invitations.

peace,

Greg C.

==================

Mark,

I must admit I didn’t even read that email you referred to, until I received this email today. The other one was still in my “delete” box so I looked at parts of it. It did not impress me much at all. Whatever impact it did have on me was not positive–it made me even less interested in reading further.

I am not interested in the training to begin with, and the whole “Jedi” theme is a major turn-off to me. I pretty much stopped reading the emails that have anything to do with that whole gimmick in their subject line. It’s too gimmicky for my taste. If your own stuff is good enough, why do you need to take someone else’s idea and use their material to sell yours? It makes me feel like you are grabbing at straws. While I am interested in learning more about EFT and related topics, I am not interested in spending a ton of money on any of it right now.

Sorry.

Peggy

======================

I read the latest exchanges about the NLP Prac Training with a good deal of interest. For my two cents, I think you did an excellent job with the whole situation. – BC

=================

I have to say that I agree with Scott that this type of message, with all its’ good intentions and support of your work, is not something I respond to favorably.

I believe that I, as business person, I can put out what I have to offer and then take the spiritual approach to the responses. As long as I know I have been clear and in my truth about what I have to offer, the right people will connect with it.

-Rosemary

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I must say that i would never really join if got that mail.

but it does sound interesting it’s just so sad that I’m not as old so I’m still in school. Anyway, I’d prefer a milder way to tell that it’ll change my or someone elses life

keep up the good work

Hanne

=================

It just reads like the pitch at one of those “free” or nearly free seminars where they push their package of books and tapes.
“How much are you worth to yourself?” “I only charge because nobody takes anything seriously unless they have a financial commitment to it.” “I just want to give back..” (this one’s usually accompanied by slides of kids and vacations) “Imagine having more time for your family.”

It’s just marketing, I’m numb to it.

What would cause me to sign up? Pretty much nothing. Couldn’t afford the airfare or time off. I work and go to school full time, but I work for nearly nothing for a school district that had huge financial problems up until just this year. It’s time for better job, but school’s gotta be first since I put it off for 20 years mostly for other peoples’ priorities.

I don’t know any special marketing approach, I do everything online these days. A DVD package or webcast might be more appealing, but whether it’d be of as much value would obviously depend on how well the material works with that delivery method.

Then again, I have a pile of DVD’s I’ve purchased but not taken the time to view yet.

-Patrick

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You guys are good. Keep it up! – Andy

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silly letter.  Although I did read the whole thing. Still…….silly
letter – Jon

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I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments just click the little “comments” link below and express yourself! -Mark