I recently read an article on E-Harmony Advice about how to get over an ex lover: Making Room for Love – Is a previous relationship preventing you from finding new love? Learn how to stop letting that ex block you from moving forward with these seven tips.
7 very nice thoughts. But typical of what the dating and relationship industry does. They tell you 7 nice things you “should” do that if you really did do them would definitely help you. BUT…
In the midst of an emotional storm these “sensible” and “logical” bits of advice basically get lost.
So I thought I’d weigh in with a few NLP tools for getting over an ex. Trust me on this. These work and I’ve had to use them…a lot (damn, I’m not quite sure I like how that sounds).
Anyway here they are and feel free to apply them to anyone who you need to “get over”, could be an ex boss, or even the old “Critical Parent” a lot of us walk around reacting to.
NLP “How To Get Over Your Ex” Tool #1:
When you think of your “Ex” do you have a picture on your internal mental screen? Where is it? Typically it’s in the center, close, in color and bright. Just notice though where it is for you.
Solution: Now. Shrink it down and push it farther away at the same time you make it dim. Now how do you feel? If you’ve actually done this, the intensity should have gone down in a pleasant way. Repeat as necessary until when you think of your Ex, there’s no “charge” or their picture stays small and dim and far away.
NLP “How To Get Over Your Ex” Tool #2:
When you think of your “Ex” do you keep seeing the movies of all the good times you had together? The wonderful first attraction and hot sex you used to have?
Solution: Drop those old internal “home movies” of all the good times to the lower left hand corner of your internal screen, shrink ’em down and make them disappear. Blip! Now pull up the reel of all the selfish, annoying, frustrating, unnacceptable things you experienced that caused you two to be “Ex’s” in the first place and put them on an endless loop right in front of you, close, and bright. Guaranteed you’ll stop thinking of all the “wonderful” times.
NLP “How To Get Over Your Ex” Tool #3:
one of the problems with getting over an ex is the false belief that you’ll never find anyone better. We can get vulnerable to our ex’s good qualities (and they do have them) when we get lonely or run pictures on our mental screen of being alone. So other than actively getting out and meeting lots of new people which is a different subject altogether, in addition to dimishing the pictures of the ex and running movies of the bad times to remind you why you’re not together anymore…
Solution: You need to pull up a vision of what you want on to your internal movie screen. Is there a whole line of eager suitors waiting for the chance to get to know you? Are you happily persuing your own passions and interests and having fun in your life regardless of a significant other? Well that’s what you need to be doing now. See yourself in the picture doing all the things you would be doing if you were the kind of person who would attract the kind of person you most want to attract.
Really. Create a movie in your mind of exactly the kind of person and relationship you really and truly want to have. You may need to make a list here. Every time you find yourself saying “I don’t want….” turn it around into what you do want. Take all the positive qualities you want in a partner and make a movie of that. Bring it in close and make it big and bright.
How does that feel?
The next step is to figure out where to find people with those qualities and to develop the skills of rapport building and modern Jedi NLP persuasion power so you can fish where the fish are and invite them into the boat with just what bait they find delicious (you). This is where I shamelessly plug my Modern Jedi NLP Training where you can learn a lot more of this stuff.
So practice these three NLP “Getting Over Your Ex” tools and leave a comment below to let me know how you’re doing with them.
I also do one on one coaching over the phone and can typically help you with this kind of challenge a lot faster than you may think possible.